Friday, December 11, 2009

Message to Wine People: STOP IT!

met-a-phor: (noun)

1. a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance.
2. something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol.

‘You’ is a metaphor. Not that you are a metaphor, although ‘you are’ is a metaphor that represents the existence of you. ‘You’ is the metaphor that ‘I’ (who exists as ‘you’ metaphorically to yourself) use to represent 'me' (possessive metaphor for ‘I’ for me which is ‘you’ to you).

I (me, metaphorically speaking) know what you are thinking, “I (meaning you) is/are not a metaphor.” Truthfully I, (or me) can’t possibly have a clue what you (‘I’ or ‘’me’ to you) are thinking and ‘I’ only say this as a metaphor suggesting that ‘I’ could possibly know what ‘you’ are indeed thinking, with ‘I’ representing ‘me’ to ‘you’ and ‘your representing ‘you’ to ‘me’. In fact I (you may know me as ‘you’ but I am ‘I’ to ‘me’) have no clue if you exist. I only think you do in my head, where metaphors run free. If a tree fall in the woods does anyone read my blog? Wow, am I writing my blog for the metaphorical ‘you’ who may not even exist.

Wait a minute - are 'you' (‘I’ to ‘you’), or am I (‘you’ to ‘I’ or ‘me’) saying 'I' is a metaphor or that 'you' (I meaning you) is (or is it are) a metaphor? Do I (or you) mean you ARE a metaphor? I (me) is, or are, confused. Are you?

Which brings me (or ‘us’, which is a metaphor for the collective I and you) to the point (if someone stops reading a blog because the blogger is a moron does the blog, or for that matter the blogger, exist?). ALL words, points, descriptions, concepts, values, ideals and personal points of view are metaphorical. Indeed, it may be suggested that the only thing objective in existence is the existence of the object itself. Metaphors are required for ANY attempt to qualify the existence of the object or describe it in any way, shape or form.

Humans use metaphors to describe, understand, assess and evaluate the objects the sensations we encounter in life. Failing to understand the fundamental possibility that we may experience things differently people argue, go to war and act crazy in general. It may be a disagreement over ownership or entitlement of land, food or objects. It may be a disagreement over who is right or wrong about spirituality, morality or governance.

Wine people disagree whether or not descriptions, puffs, medals, stars or ‘points’ are the best metaphors to use to convey wine value. If you agree on ‘points’ as the metaphor people will then argue whether 100 points, 20 points or 10 points is better or worse, right or wrong. Then we will argue over “how in the world did you decide to give that number of points to that wine!”

If you use words as your basis of metaphors people may be a disagreement over whether a wine smells like ollolaberry, huckleberry or Chuck Berry. Barnyard, manure, bretanomyces, crap, perfume or BS? Is ‘cat’s pee’ a. correct at all and b. good or bad? A lot depends on your personal interpretation and reaction to the metaphor ‘cat’ and your life experience with cats, cat pee and litter boxed.

I have but a simple request: stop it.

This is to coin a Bob Newhart solution to ANYTHING you suffer over and you really should watch this clip from Mad TV:

When someone ‘goes off’ (a metaphor for reacting strongly, like a bomb or gun) defending their position, point of view and become self-righteous make sure to gently inform them, “uh-uh, we don’t go there.” Just like Bob.

“Can’t we all just get along!” That is a metaphor representing of what my Mom used to say in complete exasperation at the dinner table. Fer chrissake, don’t even get me started on terroir!

BTW, what the hell did my wife put in my coffee? It occurs for me that this is a metaphor representing transference of blame for my inane rambling to some one, or some thing, else thereby metaphorically ‘letting me off the hook’. Hmmmm…’letting me off the hook’ is a metaphor for…, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol.


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